BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
