now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize