3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
