awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
