been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
