I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i believe in u and ur pee
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
