I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
