just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
