Have you finally orgasmed yet?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize