Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I am one with the molecules
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
