it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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