there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
