No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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