i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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