Did you just see the Batmobile???
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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