I wish I could teleport
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
