I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
