I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
