it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
