your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
