I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
