Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
