What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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