i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
