no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
