I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
