Your tits are I can't wait for
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize