your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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