Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
