how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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