Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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