He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
That accounts for only three of the penises
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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