Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
