That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize