Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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