my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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