This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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