So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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