btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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