either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
