The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
