I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
