my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
