I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
