why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
