All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
