Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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