No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
