and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
