I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
