Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
