Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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