No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just want to make out with him forever
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
