Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
is that a dick in a sweater?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
