This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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