is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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