Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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