He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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