wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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