i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
