Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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