Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
