They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
