My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
