Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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