it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
