I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
