her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
