piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
