Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
