He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
