I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
