last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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