Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
