I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
