Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
