Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
