walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
