Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
