dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
