How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
