I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
