So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
