At least make sure they are 18
Why
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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