We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
