I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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