3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
