Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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