i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
