it hurts more in the daytime
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
