i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
