I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
