Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
