plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
