Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
