seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
