i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
