i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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