I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
