Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
