i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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