sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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